Where we interrupt our usual broadcast for "Conversations with the Teapot"

September 24, 2015

Where we interrupt our usual broadcast for "Conversations with the Teapot"

Since I'm in a rush and trying to get out the door to make a flight, let's try something new. Pictures from Xi'an adventures interspersed with random moments from my recent visitor from the States! (Not an attempt to get away with a quickie and yet seriously belated update at all!)

24 Hours After Arrival:

Teapot (TP): So...I called the cops today.
Me (M): walking in the door ...huzzah?
TP: Well, your phone rang and I answered it and they told me you had a package that was extremely late and about to be returned to vendor for no pick up and after I gave them my name, they told me it was addressed to me and that my name had been connected with 17 fake Chinese passports being shipped to Macau and I needed to give my information to the police so they could make sure I get a report made.
M: ...you answered my house phone? The phone I never use because I have two cell phones, a U.S. landline forwarding service, and a seperate VOIP Ooma?
TP: Yes?

M: And you gave your name to some random strangers who said you made fake passports?

TP: Yes. And I gave them your address.

M: …and my address.

TP: But I suspected they weren’t real when they told me they were going to transfer me to the police department line. I mean, Fedex would never transfer you, they’d tell you to call the cops!

M:… because that was the biggest indicator that this was not a scam.

TP: Yes, so I called your lobby and the man was very nice and apologized, saying the economy here isn’t great lately so there’s a lot of bad people trying to cut corners through scams. And he gave me the police station number and after 7 tries, I got ahold of them and they told me to read the scam alerts by the ATM machines, but I told them I just arrived and hadn’t gone to an ATM.

M: And did we learn something today?

TP: Yea, why do the police take so long to answer the phone in China? What if I had an emergency?

M: sigh

walking outside on the street and a man unzips and begins to urinate by his parked car

TP: Oh my gosh, that man! That man!

M: Just ignore it.

TP: But he- he!

M: Ignore.

TP: BUT THIS IS CHINA

M: Exactly.

M: How was your day exploring the city?

TP: Well, I went to get in line for these fried dumplings and they kept cutting in front of me! Even when I said excuse me, really loudly!

M: Well, just tell them not to cut and stand closer in line next time.

TP: But you don’t understand! I said, excuse me!

M: sigh

walking through the street market

TP: Everything looks good!

M: Good, I’m starving. Let’s eat that-

TP: Wait! It might be better if we go in more.

M: Ok, how about that?

TP: Mmmm, but I want to keep looking.

30 minutes later

TP: I don’t know, I just can’t decide…

M: I am not usually a cannibal, but I will eat you if you don’t pick something in the next 5 feet.

TP: Let’s take one of these local Chinese tour groups to Nanjing!

M: But I can just buy train tickets and we can go around at our own pace.

TP: But look, these flyers say it’s really cheap and you ride the bus and they cover all these scenic locations for just 120RMB! (about $20)

M: I don’t know…that sounds like a long car ride… (a train ride is 1.5 hours)

TP: I called them and they said it’ll only be about 2.5 hours because they leave early morning at 6AM and beat all the traffic.

M: If it makes you happy…

later on the bus at 6:30AM

Tour guide: So there’ll also be a transport car fee, a dining fee, and we accept cash up front.

M: I thought there were no extra fees…

TP: It’s ok, it’s not that much.

Tour guide: Sorry. Rules. Anyway, if you pay now, we’ll be leaving soon. We should get into Nanjing in about 4.5 hours. As we pull into a gas station on the freeway.

TP: Grab your things, we’re bailing.

M: Wait, you realize we are on a freeway. This isn’t a road, where are we going?

TP: I get car sick. We’ll just walk off the freeway.

M ...

at the museum where they charge 120 rmb for a tour group of 12 people

M: Well, looks like we can just book one if you want to hear it or I can just go grab some brochures.

TP: No! That’s like 60 RMB for us both! We can just find some people.

M: Hate to break it to you, but who are you going to find?

TP: corrals 10 random strangers to join our tour group in less than 5 min

M: …ok fine, you win.

after she returns from the hotel lobby

M: What’d you do while I showered?

TP: I talked to this very nice concierge and he gave me all these wonderful recommendations! He knew so much history about the city and was so funny and nice and is going to help us book a car for tomorrow to go to Han Yan Ling (Emperor Han’s mausoleum, similar to the Terracotta warriors for the more economically conscious dead rulers.)

M: Oh great. Sounds nice.

TP: Yup. And I gave him your business card.

M: Wait, you what?

TP: Well he was so nice! And he was very impressed!

M: …my business cards are not candy. You don’t just give them to people because you like them!

TP: But he booked us a car!