Where I talk about the life apart
So Coffee and I will be celebrating our 5 year anniversary soon- woot woot! Sounds like quite a long time, yet so short in the spectrum of life in the universe. He's actually in town, which means this is the first time in over 2 years we'll be doing date night in person rather than via phone dates or skype. (Waitresses WILL look at you funny if you talk on your headset throughout a romantic steak dinner for one.)
I'm not a super private, everything is a secret person (I mean, let's be honest, you're probably a stranger in Islamabad reading this through google translate right now. آپ کیسے ہیں) But I find it a little hard for people to understand the whole concept of long term, long distance when it comes to a) a grown adult capable of controlling their Netflix binge watching habits and b) any timeline without a foreseeable deadline. But I believe that in this job/lifestyle, separation from your loved ones (whether they are kids, parents, a spouse, a partner, or even your friends) is not just a possibility but a certainty. We sacrifice our physical presence, our spontaneity of involvement for one of travel and career. It's hard to drop in randomly on your best friend or celebrate grandma's birthday when you're two time zones and 2,200 miles away.
Physical seperation is often times a deal breaker for relationships because of many reasons: fear, discomfort, communication problems, misunderstanding, distance. As two planets orbit further and further away from each other, they tend to drift into new circles, the pull of gravity attracting new friends, new relationships. It takes a great deal of effort, trust, and understanding on both sides to be able to maintain those existing relationships.
Random tips and suggestions? Make appointments, even with your friends and family for things as simple as phone calls or online skype meetings. That means you making an effort, not just other people. Yea, time differences suck, but so does always expecting others to be the one to reach out. And realize that everyone has different styles of communicating. Some people are great at text conversations, some hate the phone, some like interactive activities. Playing online games on Steam allows me to feel still involved with some of my friends (even if Coffee really isn't the gaming type.) Also, invest in postcards and stamps! They're great for shooting off a quick "thinking of you" message even if you're feeling too out of it for a long heartfelt letter. Draw a picture, tape a picture of something that reminds you of them and shoot that baby off. Amazon sells nice blank ones too for people with kids, great quality. A handdrawn card for the grandparents?
In the last 2 years with Coffee, which were all long distance (with some visits and vacations together), I became a fan of flat rate envelopes and boxes from USPS. I could get quite creative in how much I can stuff in an envelope. There's a number of receipes that work well with priority shipping, provided you seal it correctly. Cupcakes in a jar, cookies, and brownies all do well with short shipping times. Overseas and pouch may prove to be an obstacle to food, but I'm sure we can get creative... fancy chocolates, hot cocoa mix, DIY baking mixtures should all still work well. For those not into baking, Coffee has sent food deliveries through cupcake companies, cookie companies, and even surprise lego sets which made me just as happy. The point is, do surprises, do routine, do something that shows you give a damn.
TL;DR, relationships are hard. But I'm happy knowing that for now, I've got at least one person who is as ok with me pursuing a life, a career, and a way of carving my road out there as I am with them. And somehow, that makes it better than any card, Facebook update, or public declaration in the form of jewelry or billboard.
I'm not a super private, everything is a secret person (I mean, let's be honest, you're probably a stranger in Islamabad reading this through google translate right now. آپ کیسے ہیں) But I find it a little hard for people to understand the whole concept of long term, long distance when it comes to a) a grown adult capable of controlling their Netflix binge watching habits and b) any timeline without a foreseeable deadline. But I believe that in this job/lifestyle, separation from your loved ones (whether they are kids, parents, a spouse, a partner, or even your friends) is not just a possibility but a certainty. We sacrifice our physical presence, our spontaneity of involvement for one of travel and career. It's hard to drop in randomly on your best friend or celebrate grandma's birthday when you're two time zones and 2,200 miles away.
Physical seperation is often times a deal breaker for relationships because of many reasons: fear, discomfort, communication problems, misunderstanding, distance. As two planets orbit further and further away from each other, they tend to drift into new circles, the pull of gravity attracting new friends, new relationships. It takes a great deal of effort, trust, and understanding on both sides to be able to maintain those existing relationships.
In the last 2 years with Coffee, which were all long distance (with some visits and vacations together), I became a fan of flat rate envelopes and boxes from USPS. I could get quite creative in how much I can stuff in an envelope. There's a number of receipes that work well with priority shipping, provided you seal it correctly. Cupcakes in a jar, cookies, and brownies all do well with short shipping times. Overseas and pouch may prove to be an obstacle to food, but I'm sure we can get creative... fancy chocolates, hot cocoa mix, DIY baking mixtures should all still work well. For those not into baking, Coffee has sent food deliveries through cupcake companies, cookie companies, and even surprise lego sets which made me just as happy. The point is, do surprises, do routine, do something that shows you give a damn.
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| If you have not seen the Lego Movie...you need to fix that, pronto. |
TL;DR, relationships are hard. But I'm happy knowing that for now, I've got at least one person who is as ok with me pursuing a life, a career, and a way of carving my road out there as I am with them. And somehow, that makes it better than any card, Facebook update, or public declaration in the form of jewelry or billboard.
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